Ambrose Bierce

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

The covers of this book are too far apart.