Fran Lebowitz

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.