“I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.” — Dean Martin

I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello', 'goodbye', and 'I'm pregnant'.

There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.