"Never order food in excess of your body weight." — Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.