"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got ..." — Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.