"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television." — Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.