“Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can car…” — Fran Lebowitz

Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.