“The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mout…” — George Jean Nathan

I have yet to find a man worth his salt in any direction who did not think of himself first and foremost.

Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.

A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to.

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.