“When I was a boy, I began writing a biography of Shakespeare, and since then I'v…” — Gyles Brandreth

What happened between the sheets on the night of the royal wedding I cannot tell you. I was not there.

And the purpose of small talk is not to be controversial, clever or even interesting. It's simply to fill the silent void with a small gesture of common humanity. It's a spoken smile, a verbal handshake.

The Queen is frequently on her own, walking the dogs, riding her horses, playing patience, completing a jigsaw, sorting her photograph albums, watching television, phoning friends, doing the Telegraph crossword. Is she neglected? Is she suffering? Or does she simply understand her man?

We loved the line 'I'm a luxury... few can afford.' It still makes me smile. It's a jumper for people with a sense of style and a sense of humor.