“I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh…” — Michael Caine

When you're a movie star and you're young, you are always playing someone who's a better fighter, a better lover, a better everything than you.

I am in so many movies that are on TV at 2:00 a.m. that people think I am dead.

I regard the theater as a woman I loved dearly who treated me like dirt.

I used to get the girl; now I get the part. In 'The Quiet American' you may have noticed I got the part and the girl. It's a milestone for me, because it's the last time I'm going to get the girl.