"I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can comp..." — Norm MacDonald

I didn't really want to inject myself into anything political. A lot of people were asking me at the time about Jay and Conan, and I hate doing anything serious.

You can't love your team without hating another team.

I just hate plugs. It just doesn't seem entertaining to me. I've never plugged anything in my life on a talk show ever. I understand people use that vehicle. It's just not very entertaining.

Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.