"I was 18 and had taken A-levels in Woking where I grew up. But I didn't want to go to university so ..." — Sean Lock

I now believe in God for my own ends. I'm not an altruistic Christian - I'm only doing it in case there is in fact a Heaven.

Real men will eat anything I mean anything. I think the only food I have ever turned down was a boiled goat's head while hitch-hiking in Yugoslavia in the 1980s.

Real men don't know what they want for Christmas. Despite the fact I'm deeply disappointed every Christmas. I pride myself on not wanting anything. Children want things, women want things, dogs and cats want things, but men don't.

I'm amazed by how angry people get about new art, particularly new sculptures in their town. The people who hate new sculpture usually find their type of art on birthday cards, pictures of a vintage car going round a hairpin bend and suchlike.