Collected Meditations
Showing 53 quotesPeople who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.— George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.— George Carlin
topics:
Good
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.— George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?— George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.— George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.— George Carlin
topics:
Good
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.— George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.— George Carlin
topics:
Death
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.— George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.— George Carlin