Jean Kerr

Nobody ever wrote better about domestic things than Robert Benchley.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

It's easier to write about what you know. I wouldn't write about a Wall Street broker, for example.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

I have two trifling ambitions in the theater: to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.

Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.

'Lunch Hour' is suitable for a teenager.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.

Affairs have been going on since Tolstoy.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

I'm congenitally vague.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.