Will Rogers

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.