Will Rogers

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.