"I've never been paid as a prognosticator. I don't get a lot of work as a mentalist." — Andy Kindler

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that.

The Comedy Bar is an intimate club, which I prefer. I refuse to play theatres, because large empty spaces make me nervous, and I don't enjoy the echo. I'm no sell out. Literally.

I have to say, after hanging out with Republicans for four days, I want to take a look at my own birth certificate. I don't think I was born in this country.

Louie is hugely talented. But I get very annoyed at the way the media... say, 'Louis C.K. is the greatest stand-up in the world.' He's not the greatest stand-up in the world. He's not funnier than Dave Attell.