“My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works,…” — Bill Burr

People focus too much on whether there's a Democrat or a Republican in office. It's not like this guy Kim-Jong Un got into power the second Trump got into power. It's not like he wasn't a problem. It's not like we haven't had warmongers. It's not like corporations haven't been the main influence on what we're doing around the world.

Look how long it took to build the Freedom Tower, and we wanted that. It took 15 years.

The Giants beating the undefeated Patriots, that's all a joke. The star of a reality show is going to run the country. The guy who decided if Bret Michaels or Cyndi Lauper would make a better CEO for a company that doesn't exist is going to be running stuff.

I can't quite remember who I voted for president. It wasn't Trump or Hillary, though. I didn't like either one of them.