"Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world." — Clive James

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right.

Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire.