“Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.” — Clive James

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world.

Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right.

Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire.