“American football seems to resemble soccer in that one scores by putting the bal…” — David Mamet

People ask me, 'What do you do?' And I tell them I'm a writer, but always with the silent reservation, 'I am, of course, not really a writer. Hemingway was a writer.'

When the three branches of government have failed to represent the citizenry and the mass of the media has failed to represent the citizenry, then the citizenry better represent the citizenry.

I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer.

It's upsetting to be a man in our society.