"I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s." — Dylan Moran

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.