Dylan Moran

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.

Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.

The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.