“My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.” — Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.