“I can't pay her back, but what I can do is make her as happy as she thought I wo…” — George Lopez

The thing that upsets me the most is the entitlement of people that will stand with a flag and say to some other people that they need to go back to where they came from. When, in fact, they also would need to go back to where they came from, because you need to go all the way back to the beginning.

I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.