"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I..." — Groucho Marx

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.