“You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.” — Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.