Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

I know God is real.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.