“I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-…” — Jon Stewart

A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.