"Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder..." — Lewis Black

The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.

No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.