"I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke." — Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.