"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live..." — W. C. Fields

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.