"If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was a..." — Wanda Sykes

There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike.

Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not!