“Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists mer…” — Will Cuppy

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

I don't like to boast, but I have probably skipped more poetry than any other person of my age and weight in this country.

If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.