Demetri Martin

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.

People only have so much attention.

I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.

A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.