Dick Cavett

All three of my parents - I also had a stepmother - were teachers, and my dad taught high school, and as he always reminded me when I was going to spend some money on something, 'Your mother and I, in the Depression, had to decide whether to spend a dime on a loaf of bread or if we could go to a movie with it.'

I am always shocked that there are still a handful of defenders of the dubious practice of abstinence, surely the worst idea since chocolate-covered ants.

The emotions in all true anxiety dreams are next to unbearable.

In relative youth, we assume we'll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

A grown man, weeping, is a tough thing to see.

If I were running a campaign, I'd urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely - on a talented young comedy writer.

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

It takes a certain amount of guts to go to your class reunions.

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, 'It was a perfect script for she and I,' inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, 'Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?'

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they're qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

When I'm doing an appearance somewhere and taking questions from the audience, I can always count on: 'Tell about the guy who died on your show!'

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I know what it feels like to be a gun lover.

I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.

A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.

I have a long list of things that make me mad.

If you have a relative who's lost interest in everything and doesn't get out of bed, who doesn't care for things they used to, can't imagine anything that would give them any pleasure, don't fool around with it; get therapy, get help, get medication if that's right for you, or talk therapy, or something.

I haven't ever found any great writing on that wonderful and often unappreciated art form, the insult.