Joey Adams

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.