Author Profile
Sarah Millican
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60
Total Quotes
Collected Meditations
Showing 60 quotesEverything feels different on Christmas morning because there's nobody about. And if they are, then they're on a new bike.— Sarah Millican
If an audience is watching you and you're a bloke - it's the same as if you're a woman. They're expecting the same: to be entertained.— Sarah Millican
I tell the audience bits of my rude life on stage so they don't mind telling me bits of theirs.— Sarah Millican
It seemed wrong to look forward to watching a man cut his arm off, and especially weird having dined at a carvery before going to the cinema, but Danny Boyle's '127 Hours' didn't disappoint.— Sarah Millican
I'm a huge fan of 'Glee'. Every episode I watch makes me that much happier, and I think it should be obligatory for all people to watch it. I just love the joy!— Sarah Millican
All of my stuff is based on personal stories to back up my arguments. It's not a lecture, it's still comedy. I think a lot of comics forget that you can have a theme but that it shouldn't replace the jokes.— Sarah Millican
It's probably a generalisation to say this, but occasionally I'll see a bloke who laughs only after he's checked his girlfriend did. I tend to imagine that's a rocky relationship, to be fair.— Sarah Millican
I might look like somebody who lives next door but I've a dark, twisted sense of humour.— Sarah Millican
Fancy expensive designer shops are out for me as I'm a size 18, sometimes 20, and I therefore do not count as a woman to them.— Sarah Millican
I am a comedian. You may or may not find me funny, but the fact remains, that I am a comedian.— Sarah Millican
Pretty much every comic that you see live is going to be slighter ruder, slightly darker and slightly more scary. But there are restrictions when you're on the telly. I'm not trying to rude it up for live. I just have to restrict myself on the telly.— Sarah Millican
Because I started doing stand-up relatively late - 29 - someone can shout something at me but it's not going to be as bad as some of the things I've experienced. I've lived a bit.— Sarah Millican
I got married at 22, which, at the time, didn't seem young. I don't regret it because you can only make the decisions that feel right at the time, otherwise you'll just be cautious about everything and that's no way to live.— Sarah Millican
I never got up on stage and thought, 'I'll wear a flowery top so I can talk about dark evil things,' but it just so happens that that's the way I dress.— Sarah Millican
My humour is a mix of my parents'. I get the chatty, anecdotal stuff from my dad and the filth from my mam, Valerie. She has a very dark sense of humour, I think from having grown up with disabilities. It's a coping mechanism. She had polio when she was eight and has been in a wheelchair for about 20 years.— Sarah Millican
I'm very protective of my material. And you have to be, because it's very easy for people just to steal jokes.— Sarah Millican