Author Profile
Steven Wright
1955 • American • Comedian
181
Total Quotes
Top Topics
Collected Meditations
Showing 181 quotesI got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.— Steven Wright
My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.— Steven Wright
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.— Steven Wright
topics:
Imagination
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.— Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.— Steven Wright
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.— Steven Wright
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?— Steven Wright
I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'— Steven Wright
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.— Steven Wright
You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.— Steven Wright
topics:
Humor
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'— Steven Wright
topics:
Money