"The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off." — Bob Hope

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.