“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.” — Joan Rivers

I was a Brownie Scout mother.

When I am on E! for the 'Fashion Police,' I only care about being a critic. It loses me many friends.

Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.