"The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter." — Lenny Bruce

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.