“What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and hav…” — Lewis Black

The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.

No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember: It's your life, not theirs. Just because your parents sent you to college doesn't mean they bought the rest of your life.

Every time I use an app, part of my brain dies! We'll get to the point where we go to bed and wonder: 'Did I have a thought today?' You'll have to go to your 'Thought' app!

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.