"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch." — Robert Orben

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.