Art Buchwald

I've known Don since he came to Washington. When he first came to work for George W. Bush, he was a different Don Rumsfeld. He was jolly, full of life, and ready to go to war, but only if we could win.

There was tremendous pressure to take dialysis, and there were lots of tears when I broke the news to the family that I was not going to do it.

Men and women cannot live by bread alone. They must also tinkle. Show me someone who has no trouble tinkling, and I will show you a happy and rich person.

I was put on earth to make people laugh.

Becoming eighty is a matter of life or death. I chose life. It is a much better position to be in, and it's easier on your back.

A humorist has to be taken seriously before he's considered a real writer.