Calvin Trillin

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

There's always a source for humor.

With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

People, not just reporters, are more interested in politics than in government, so the actual issues wouldn't be something that interested them.

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Health food makes me sick.