Mark Twain

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.