Ogden Nash

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

Too clever is dumb.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.