George Ade

After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity.

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

A man never feels more important than when he receives a telegram containing more than ten words.

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature.

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

A good jolly is worth what you pay for it.

The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.

To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.

It is not time for mirth and laughter, the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.