Author Profile
Michael McIntyre
1976 • English • Comedian
60
Total Quotes
Collected Meditations
Showing 60 quotesI don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline.— Michael McIntyre
I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: 'No, Michael, you're teatime, you're not cool.'— Michael McIntyre
I always used to want everyone to like me, because it used to hurt so much when people made snidey comments or gave me bad reviews, but I've learnt to deal with it.— Michael McIntyre
I feel a bit weird about turning 40. It makes you feel like you've passed over on to the other side a bit.— Michael McIntyre
My wife is very fit and looking younger every day, whereas I'm looking older day by day.— Michael McIntyre
Hard audiences tend to be when it's all men. It's when businesses have dos where they're at conferences all day then book a comedian for the evening. They're men of a certain age - basically middle-aged, balding, 50 to 60 years old and I just know I can't make these people laugh hysterically.— Michael McIntyre
If you can help it, don't be rude to people. When you're rude about someone and the audience laugh you can't deny that it's a bullying laugh.— Michael McIntyre
I never felt like I belong to anything - to any groups of friends. I never really had that.— Michael McIntyre
I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.— Michael McIntyre
I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness.— Michael McIntyre
I went to quite a nice school as a kid, where everyone was quite posh, because my dad was making some money.— Michael McIntyre
I call people 'captain' a lot and it makes them feel special. Until they hear me using it for everyone, that is.— Michael McIntyre
Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it's so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of 15,000 people who laugh their heads off at it, it's the best feeling in the world.— Michael McIntyre
I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it.— Michael McIntyre