Michael McIntyre

I don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline.

I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: 'No, Michael, you're teatime, you're not cool.'

I always used to want everyone to like me, because it used to hurt so much when people made snidey comments or gave me bad reviews, but I've learnt to deal with it.

I get looks like I can't raise my child, but I can.

I just find little things in life funny, it's why I giggle during my shows.

I feel a bit weird about turning 40. It makes you feel like you've passed over on to the other side a bit.

My wife is very fit and looking younger every day, whereas I'm looking older day by day.

Hard audiences tend to be when it's all men. It's when businesses have dos where they're at conferences all day then book a comedian for the evening. They're men of a certain age - basically middle-aged, balding, 50 to 60 years old and I just know I can't make these people laugh hysterically.

If you can help it, don't be rude to people. When you're rude about someone and the audience laugh you can't deny that it's a bullying laugh.

I never felt like I belong to anything - to any groups of friends. I never really had that.

I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.

I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness.

I do speak well as I went to a posh school. But I come from no real breeding.

I went to quite a nice school as a kid, where everyone was quite posh, because my dad was making some money.

I call people 'captain' a lot and it makes them feel special. Until they hear me using it for everyone, that is.

I have no ambitions to act, because I don't know how to.

Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it's so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of 15,000 people who laugh their heads off at it, it's the best feeling in the world.

I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it.

I'm sure there are comedians who make jokes about me, but say something funny, not mean.

Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you're walking on a knife edge.